On a random Tuesday night while driving to my small-group, I had a phone conversation that I thought had the potential to seriously alter life as I knew it. The call came because of a well-intentioned and well-timed reference from a close friend regarding an open editing position at a Christian publishing company which primarily produces student Bible study materials. The call was exciting and all-the-more surprising because I had decided only the week before to not renew my contract with the school I'd been with for three years. My plans were to apply for a position with the Lafayette Parish School System unless something more interesting came along, and this call seemed serendipitous...God-ordained, even!
The call lead to a job interview which, after a couple of nail-biting days, lead to a tentative job offer and an opportunity to do some contract work for the organization. The contract work--something I have had no experience with before then--gradually turned from a simple, straight-forward lesson update sort of situation to an overwhelming, disorganized mess. I was in way over my head while still teaching full-time and tutoring 3 hours a day! After being shuffled around between editors, I landed with my third and final editor and pressure was mounting.
I trudged through as best I could while also dealing with all of the end-of-the-school-year hoo-rah. Once summer started, I felt that I would have the time to devote to this time-devouring contract work. I worked 10-12 hours a day in an effort to catch-up because I was not working at the pace they wanted. Some reorganization started happening in the office and, as I heard more and more, I began to have an impending feeling of doom.
Eventually, the call came--they decided to go with someone who had more experience and had been working with them on a contract basis for a while. I can't say that I was surprised. I think I knew it was coming. Suffering from a strong case of wounded pride, I struggled with understanding what had happened. What was this all about? Why did God bring this amazing opportunity before me and wave it under my nose only to snatch it back? It just seemed so mean.
I would never call this an unanswered prayer--oh, no! This was a clear and definite, "NO!" But I still couldn't understand why. Mom always said that my favorite question as a child was, "Why?" and almost 30 years later, that doesn't seem to have changed much! Once the pain and tears subsided, I realized that I was actually relieve that it had not worked out. I was so overwhelmed and, had I been hired, I don't know that I would have enjoyed life in that particular field!
I may never know how that small piece of fabric will be woven into the tapestry of my life, but I do recognized so many reasons that I'm glad it didn't happen. Most specifically, I am glad that I have been here through Erica's recent medical situation and near my family in the wake of Brandon's death. Had the job become a reality and I had really moved, I would have felt so isolated and alone as I watched from afar. I am not saying that I would never move away from home, but I can see God's hand in keeping me here for this time and these events.
I will probably go on asking why, but I continue to do so with the understanding that my life is in God's hands and He ordains my path. Some people prefer to think that we determine our own paths, but I see no comfort in that way of thinking. I would never want to think that I might be stumbling around blindly trying to find my own way to oblivion. I am comforted by the fact that I have a relationship with a personal God who created me and has a plan for my life. I live a life of faith and hope. I may doubt at times and question often, but I continue to follow by faith.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I have found myself asking the "Why?" question so many times in my life. There have been times that I could clearly see the answer not too far down the road and then there have been times when I never really understood the reason. There have been countless times that I wondered if I had somehow missed God's plan or rerouted myself around His path for me - actually I can name a few of those times where I know that I went my own way. But even in those moments I have come to realize that it has all been a part of something much greater than I could control. Yes, I may occassionally slow the process, but God is still in control. And He is working out so many things in me through every stage of my life. In the loss of my dad I have learned the importance of spending time with those you love. Through the journey with my oldest child I am learning patience and perseverance. With my divorce I learned that God is tender and can heal even the most broken heart. One thing has remained true, through each of these "moments" God was always there. He remains steadfast at my side, sometimes behind me pushing me along, and sometimes in front of me guiding me into a direction that only He knows what lay at the end. Faithful, true, loving, guide, friend. God is truly all that we need.
For the past several weeks, I have been in a study by Beth Moore called The Patriarchs. The church where it is held is another town over, so my friend Sybil and I ride together. On the way there and back we dialogue about what we are learning. And what we are learning is that old Abraham and Isaac and especially Jacob were NOT the pinnacles of godliness that we thought they were.
They lied. They schemed. They connived.
And still God's will was done in all of their lives.
Even though we are having a hard time grappling with the large issues of faith in how could God bless men such as they, we are also at the same time comforted in knowing that what God wills will come to pass no matter what happens.
I am certainly NOT comparing you to any of those men! I just thought a lot about what I have learned in that study when I read your post. I do hope that you find out on this side of eternity what all that was about.
You deserve the best their is, and I am praying that it comes sooner than later.
"Mrs. D"
www.thelemonadediaries.blogspot.com
Post a Comment