Falling...

I fell today. The fall was from a 4-foot ledge and I fell straight back. Fortunately for me, there were several people waiting below the ledge in a zigzag formation to catch me when I fell! :)

I know I haven't blogged in a little while but I'm at camp now and we're about half-way through training week. Part of the regular camp schedule is recreation so we've been training on all of the rec games as a part of training week. Tonight was when we had the trust sequence. This may not sound like a big deal but you need to know that this is my sixth year of camp and we've had the trust sequence in our rec rotation twice since I've been working and I've NEVER fallen! I can do the starter moves: see-sawing back and forth and "wind in the willow" but I have never been able to do the trust fall. It's not that I don't trust my staff. I just absolutely hate the sensation of falling. It's miserable and awful and I try to avoid it when at all possible. Heights don't bother me but I completely freeze up when I feel like I'm falling. And according to my mom, I've been that way since I was an infant.

Anyway, back to the story. I think it's also important to note that I've been dreading these trust falls since I decided that I would work again back in September! I knew it was coming and I was nervous all day. When we finally made it over to the ledge for the actual falling, I was sick to my stomach. I was hoping that people just wouldn't notice that I hadn't fallen and I could get out of it...but I'd already run my big mouth too much about how I was dreading it, so of course my group was very encouraging. Pushy is more like it! They wouldn't let me back out!! just kidding--they were very kind and truly encouraging and had it not been for all of their encouragement, I probably would have chickened out again. But they didn't let me give into my fears. They supported me and made me as comfortable as I could be and I knew that if I fell they would catch me...but all of that didn't matter because ultimately, I would have to be the one to let go. And I did! It was horribly wonderful! I will never like falling but I was able to push through my fears and in doing so, conquer them.

Trust falls are a beautiful expression of faith and trust and a wonderful metaphor for salvation...and I've always recognized the power of the lesson, but until tonight, I'd never experienced it. So many students will be coming here this summer with questions and issues that I can't begin to understand. Some may have been raised in Christian homes and have gone to church all of their lives and will know how to play the game to a tee--they will know all of the right answers, but until one experiences the love of Christ, all the head knowledge in the world will not do.

I've had several friends who've engaged in quite interesting conversations with non-believers in the past couple of months on their blogs and such and the interchange has been quite interesting. In those conversations, such interesting questions and responses have been posed and have erupted into some beautiful verbal fireworks. But intellectual discussions have as much to do with recognizing the need for salvation about as much as adding oil to a car that's out of gas. Yes, the oil is needed (and so is the biblical knowledge that's discussed) but gas is what gets the car moving. We do such a great job of distracting ourselves--believer and non-believer alike--from the essentials. I believe it's the power of the Holy Spirit to convict, but it's our responsibility as Christians to live a lifestyle that honors and points to our relationship with our Lord. And in doing so, exhibit the love of the One who died, taking our sins upon himself and then rising three days later, having conquered death.

Well, it's late and I don't quite know where I'm going with this. I really just wanted to say that after five years, I've finally managed to fall! It was scary but there is power in overcoming fear...and in letting go. I've definitely learned a lesson that I shall carry with me for a long time to come.