it happens to everyone, right?!

Ok, so let's say you're coming up to a red light and you think you've stopped but you're still rolling and you touch the bumper of the guy in front of you...or you're parallel parking and bump into the bumper of the car right behind you...or you see a friend in front of you and, as a joke, you bump their bumper to get their attention and then you laugh and wave. It's happened to all of us, right? That's what the bumper is there for--to absorb those little "taps" that happen occasionally! It's nothing to get worked up about...and it's NOTHING to call the freaking police about, right?! well, if you were the yahoo i bumped yesterday, that would be WRONG! Lets call the cops and get an accident report...and get you a ticket, Missy! UGH!

Here's the story: I was at an intersection in Lafayette and we were stopped for a red light. I saw the cars start to move on the side of me and in front of us so i started to apply the gas when I realized that the car directly in front of me wasn't moving yet. I immediately hit my breaks but i don't break before TOUCHING his back bumper. It was so light, i didn't even think he'd get out of the car...but he did so i did. There was absolutely NO damage! not even paint transfer! I think he got the lovebugs that were on the front of my car and that's it! And then he's talking about how he's ok--not hurt or anything--but he's shaken up! (GIVE ME A BREAK! It was LESS than a tap!) But it's his wife's car so he needs to call her to see what she wants him to do. He then tells her he was REAR-ENDED (a LITTLE harsh for what really happened) but there was no damage and wants to know what he should do. So she--having not seen anything and going solely on his overblown description of what happened--says he should call the cops and get an accident report done so that, if they ever want to sell the car, there's an accident file on record saying what happened if there's any damage to the vehicle! (Are you following that screwed up logic?! So now there WILL be a mark on the carfax for the car...idiots!)

So then he doesn't want to move the vehicles and we're causing traffic to back up during the lunch hour...so after about 10 minutes, he calls his wife again and asks if its ok to move the cars out of the road and she tells him yes, so we move the cars! (Are you picking up on one of my big issues with this fella?!) So then we wait 45 freakin' minutes for a cop to arrive! When he does, it is THE cutest cop that I've ever seen in Lafayette! He's really nice but i think he was secretly rolling his eyes at the accident he was having to report. He has us both fill out our descriptions of what happened and proceeds to type it all up. He gives the guy his insurance stuff back and then he gives me mine along with a ticket and tells me that we really didn't need to call the police if there's no damage! I agreed and said that it was the other guy's decision! He was really sweet and told me to call my insurance and just let them know how minor it was. I think he felt silly for giving me the ticket, but once they're on the scene, they have to file the report and give the ticket. On the ticket where it asks about the amount of damage, he wrote in "none!" I love that! There wasn't even an option for that and he had to write it by hand!

It was SO completely ridiculous! It was a tap! You're supposed to get out of your car, check for damage, and then just wave and say "No worries!" This is what normal people do, anyway! I hit the one panzi who couldn't think for himself and had to have his wife tell him what to do! UGH!!! Anyone have any advice on who I could talk with to get the charges reduced to a non-moving violation?! I mean, seriously!

seizing the day...whatever that means

Have you ever had a day where you feel like you're being beat over the head with some particular message? Over and over, from every different angle...today has been one of those days for me. Well, it's been something that's been in the back of my mind for the last couple of weeks, but today has been a solitary, reflective sort of day where I feel like I'm drowning in this theme of seizing the day and not allowing the moment to pass you by. It's been in everything from the cartoon that was playing on noggin when I turned the tv on this morning (my nephew was here yesterday and that was the channel the tv was on when I turned it off...I do not really watch noggin on a regular basis!) to the movie that I caught the last 30 minutes of this afternoon; it was the theme of three of this week's tv shows that I tivo-ed and watched today (yes, I watched a lot of tv today!) it was in the statuses of facebook friends and the particular Post Secret cards that caught my eye...it just seems like that message is everywhere today: Carpe Diem. Do what matters now. Don't let the moment pass you by!

And I think I've picked up on this theme so readily because that it has been my heart's cry (yes, heart's cry--it may sound cheesy but I don't know how else to say it!) for the past few weeks--longer, really. I try not to talk about it too often because it seems to be a reoccurring yet never-quite-satisfied longing which everyone is probably sick of hearing about, but it hasn't gone away...do they ever? But the thing I struggle with is not knowing WHAT it is that I'm longing for. What will satisfy me at that soul-level? I feel paralyzed by indecisiveness! I would go after it full-force...if I only knew what I was going after!

I've always been curiously drawn to this passage in Proverbs 13: 12 which says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I'm drawn to it because I feel like my hope is deferred and my heart is sick, but I don't know what I'm longing for! I long for fulfillment and purpose. I want to do something that makes a difference. I want to have meaningful interactions with strangers and colleagues and friends. But I don't know how to make that happen! My days so often unravel into a jumble of frustration and disappointment and I definitely don't feel like I'm "sucking the marrow out of life."

For so long I've done what I thought I was supposed to do. I'm a rule-follower at heart, and I don't know how to function when I'm not following the rules. But I feel like, in order to truly do those things--in order to really live life--I'm gonna have to make choices that won't please everyone...and I've been a people-pleaser for so long. I've lived my life playing it safe...and I'm realizing that it hasn't gotten me anywhere I want to be. I chose teaching because it was safe and practical--teaching is a great job for a mom, ya know. Except I haven't become a mom...and while I love literature, I don't particularly love teaching. I am living in Lafayette because that is sensible and practical. My family is here. We all go to my mom's house for lunch every Sunday and that makes her happy. I am single because life is easier that way. I avoid intimate emotional attachments because those are often messy and involve me making myself vulnerable and bare--something I try my best never to do.

But I'm becoming aware that the safe choices I've made have, on some level, become the velvet cage in which I've enclosed myself. And I don't know what the next step needs to be. I am both ready for a change and scared to death to do anything to make that change a reality. I thought that change was going to become a reality last summer, but yet another unravelling and with it, a year of uncertainty, frustration and trial. So here we are on the cusp of another summer...back at square one, so to speak. As so I wonder: When will it come together? When will things 'click'?! What part do I have in making that happen? What part is out of my control? And why, even when I've accepted that I'm not in control, do I still feel responsible for the outcome...or lack thereof?! I realize that I'm not making much sense at all. I'm sure I'll come back and read this in the light of day and cringe at both the coherence and content...but it's what I want to express right now. It's what is real and painful at this moment. I will end with a poem by Langston Hughes which expresses these sentiments much more eloquently than I could ever hope to do:

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink
like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

my appreciation for smart-alecks in all forms

I've been working on a poetry unit lesson on sonnets for when we go back to school (ugh!). As I was looking through some of Shakespeare's Sonnets, I ran across this one which I've always loved and thought that I would share it here with you!

"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun"

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak,--yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress when she walks, treads on the ground;
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

There is no real point in using it to demonstrate any aspect of the Shakespearean Sonnet to my students because they just wouldn't get it (ugh!), but I wanted to post it here in the believe that my average reader might be a little ahead of my dear repeater freshmen!

I may have posted this once before...

but it deserves to be posted again! It makes me laugh (or cry...or laugh AND cry) and this blog is all about me, right?!

YOU MIGHT BE EMPLOYED BY A SCHOOL IF.....

1. You believe the playground/school quad should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
2. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
3. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
4. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
5. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
6. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
7. You have no social life between August and June.
8. Marking all A's on report cards would make your life SO much easier.
9. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
10. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge".
12. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
13. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
14. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
15. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

I know where Satan dwells

I firmly believe that Satan lives, firmly entrenched, in a Meche's king cake--raspberry and cream cheese-filled, to be specific!!! I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt because the remnants of said king cake now sit in my kitchen and it beacons me like nothing I've ever known!! Surely this MUST be Satan!! I bought a king cake yesterday because it was my turn to provide snacks for our English department's monthly meeting. Those English teachers did a good job, but there was still a bit left, so that came home with me...it's ridiculous! I had no idea how little will power I have! And of course, did I cut a normal piece and have that...no, I could never do anything so gluttonous! I must only indulge in a small piece here and there...so, the question is, of how many small pieces is a huge, freakin peace of king cake made?! Well, not to worry! I'm sure it will be gone soon...but I will also know where it's gone and I'm sure soon the shame and despair will follow. Oh well...it was good for the moment! SEE, proof that Satan has been here! ;)