In the whole of my 29 years, I have been to numerous weddings and have even served in my fair share—bought the dress, thrown the shower, listened to the bride-to-be chatter endlessly on the minutiae of the ‘big’ day—but I guess that I must have zoned out at the precise moment that the entire blessed event paused in order for the couple to swap out their “single” brains for the newer, better-than-ever up-grade to “married” brains! Some how I’ve missed it every time!
Seriously, It seems like the instant the ring goes on the finger, married people completely forget what it’s like to be single! Please don’t misunderstand, I am NOT knocking marriage—would love to be in that blessed state myself some day—but it just frustrates me that so many married people consider single people to be second-rate citizens. No one would ever actually SAY that they think less of single people than married people, but the signs are there. Married people have it all: lower bills (all those “family plans” and such), tax breaks (I just read an article about how the government wants people to be married), built-in common interests with other married people (“My husband does this. . .,” “Well, MY husband does this. . ..”), automatic dates for social engagements, companionship, approved sex, etc. Single perks? Well, more left-overs (so now I can eat the SAME thing for lunch everyday this week!), sole possession of the remote control, and the option to chuck it all and fly off to Europe on a moment’s notice—provided the bank account is willing and the passport is valid! I realize that I am exaggerating, so please don’t post comments lamenting the harder side of married life! I just wish one's marital state wasn’t such a big deal.
What sparked this bitter little rampage, you may ask? Well, other than the fact that Feb. 14 is racing on in like a horse with its tail on fire, this really all stems from a very simple comment that the small groups pastor at my church made—twice—during announcements at church today. I was working in the media booth this morning so I was in two services (and CAN it all of you saying, “Good, she needs it!”) so I had plenty of time to ponder this while I waited for the second service to see if the statement was merely a slip of the tongue, or was indeed something much more extensive. While announcing upcoming Valentine’s Day activities, he started by saying, “and if you are ‘a single’. . ..” Now, I instantly picked up on it, but I waited to pronounce judgment until after announcements in the second service where again, he said very clearly, “if you are ‘a single’. . ..” And there it was—my whole life summed up by the lack of a ring on my finger! A SINGLE!! I AM single, but when has my state of marital union become the label by which I am referred? I am a human being! I just happen to be single. . .and who knows, maybe I will continue to BE single, but I am so much more than single!
So if you’re reading this through sage, married eyes, please stop and think back to before your brain transplant and realize that only the transient ‘jar’ of another person separates your condition from mine. Singleness is not a curse and I often enjoy the many benefits. And I know that, were I ever to marry, I would find that my outlook would not change THAT much because marriage has its own sets of pluses and minuses. But I just wish that singleness didn’t have such a negative association. Remember, Jesus was single and he saved the world! I’m not saying that I can do that, but who knows what I can do by following His example.
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2 comments:
Well, Beth I have to say it's rare that I meet married people and like to hang out with them. Most of the time they seem so grown up to me. I feel intimidated. I think I'm just weird.
Jessica, I barely consider you and Kent married--y'all seem to have skipped the brain transplant part of the ceremony with much grace and charm!! ;) And y'all are lots of fun to hang out with!
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